If you only knew the bad things I like

[asoncalledgabriel]

It was the strangest thing to arrange a double date, but it also felt... blessedly normal somehow. Or like a lie. Gabriel wasn't sure anymore, but he didn't know how to be any other way. So when Neil asked if he'd join him and a girl - Patricia - for a night he'd found someone. A nice enough girl, Sarah, pretty in the way Fiona had been pretty, and met Neil and his girl for a movie and then dinner.

It felt easy enough - the movie had been good and the four of them had plenty to discuss afterward over a meal at a diner. Gabe teased Neil, asking if the place seemed familiar. It looked like the sort of place out of Happy Days or some other American sitcom set in the 1950s.

Afterward, they made sure their girls got home alright, and it was just the two of them again.

Gabriel spun out of the doorway of Sarah's building and leaned his back into the brick wall, grinning over at Neil. "Are you gonna call it a night now?"

Comments

[shadows_have_offended]

The movie is watched, the food ate, and Neil managed to get through the whole night with most of his dignity intact. He likes Patricia well enough; he's seen her a couple time, and she doesn't seem pressed to do anything more than hold hands and exchange brief, friendly kisses, and Neil's alright with that.

Plus, it expands his opportunities to see Gabriel by a margin. Going out in public with girls feels like a terrible comfort, somehow.

But now, they're alone, and whatever tender warmth and comfort of the four of them out turns to a quiet, giddy elation to look at that smile.

"The night is young yet, slick," Neil assures, and gives Gabriel a companionable pat on the shoulder. "Come on, let's go make idiots of ourselves for a little while yet."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Where are we going?" he asks as he pushes away from the wall. For now he's got his hands in his pockets, resisting the urge to tussle with Neil somehow. It always made him wildly, desperately uncomfortable when Connor did that to him, if only because of what stirred inside him every time.

But he imagines doing it with Neil, and he feels warm.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil smiles, broad and hapless, and shakes his head a little bit. They walk.

"I don't know, yet," he admits. He's too young for the bars and the dance clubs he's seen advertised at coffee shops and the newspapers, but only for a few more months until he turns eighteen. Anyway, he's not sure its either of their scene.

"I guess we'll just be hoodlums for a while, until we get bored or the cops notice us."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Bet you could talk your way out of getting into trouble," he says, nudging into Neil a little. "You're smart."

Gabriel's managed himself, he's done well in school since deciding that's something he wants, but it's never felt effortless. Neil seems... effortless. Maybe he just makes it seem that way.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil laughs a little and his cheeks feel warm. He's glad for the brisk night air and the dark. He's glad for Gabriel nudging him, because it gives him an excuse to nudge back.

Their elbows have been brushing all evening. Neil knows he shouldn't feel a little twinge of excitement each time, but that doesn't actually stop it from happening.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"We've already eaten," he muses. "Do you want to grab tea or coffee or something?" It's not that late, there are places still open.

[shadows_have_offended]

"Yeah, that sounds good," Neil agrees, nodding a little. They don't need to go out for that. But it's sort of nerve wrecking, to point that out.

Neil manages though. "I've got the stuff for tea, back at my place. If you want to hang out for a bit."

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel looks over at Neil with a little grin. "Yeah," he says after a moment. "Yeah, alright." He has plenty of the makings for it as his apartment, too, but Neil's already offered and Gabriel can't bring himself to decline.

[shadows_have_offended]

It's easy to smile around Gabriel, it's easy to let a gentle quiet fall over them, and it's easy to steer them toward his apartment building. But the quiet doesn't last. Neil finds himself humming some of the music he's been listening to, and then he's telling Gabriel about musicians he's found that he likes.

"We'll have to put a record on," he says as they reach his building. "I'll play my favorites for you."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Have you got favorites now?" Gabriel grins; he wonders if Neil listens to music as often as he does, if he plays things over and over again until they're in his bones.

And he listens to Neil talk about them, because it's wonderful to hear the enthusiasm in his voice. A far cry from the boy he met when Neil first showed up.

[shadows_have_offended]

"A few," says Neil, nodding a bit. They catch the elevator up to his floor, and Neil stands close enough to Gabriel that their shoulders brush a little bit. It's nice. It's comfortable. He doesn't have to worry about being anyone but himself around Gabriel, and that's quite nice.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"At least the elevator in your building doesn't stall out or get stuck," he says with a little smile. He leans against one of the walls, head lolled so he can look at Neil as they rise. He pushes away only when the doors open.

[shadows_have_offended]

In that moment, Neil is pretty sure he'd be okay if the elevator got stuck. But it doesn't. The doors slide open quietly, without protest, and they step off. Neil gets to the door and unlocks it, letting Gabriel in.

There's a bit of milling about. Neil sets up the turn table, starts the kettle, then comes back to put on the music. The whole album is good, but Neil puts the needle down at the spot he's learned starts up the song he likes best on it.

[asoncalledgabriel]

It's not an artist he's heard before, but Gabriel smiles as he listens. "Reminds me a little of church," he admits, then he rushes to add, "Not in a bad way. Just-- Well, I don't know if you've ever felt it. A sort of-- a lift, during a service. An elation, I suppose."

He has no idea how to describe it, and trying to just makes him sound silly. Gabriel blushes, and he's grateful when the kettle starts whistling.

[shadows_have_offended]

"No, I know," Neil says. He's not religious, like he understands Gabriel to be, but he knows that feeling. He feels it a little bit right now, just being alone with Gabriel after such a good night out. He doesn't know how else to describe it.

He gets them mugs and tea bags and quietly asks, "You put anything in yours?"

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Is it black tea or herbal?" he asks as he joins Neil in the kitchen, leaning in the threshold. Since getting to Darrow he's enjoyed quiet a variety of tea, and coffee. Having the choices is kind of nice.

[shadows_have_offended]

"Herbal. Some fruity thing I grabbed because it was on sale." Neil blushes a little bit, admitting that. Everything's a lot more expensive than he's still gotten used to; sales are great, as far as he's concerned.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"I'll take it as is." He smiles and moves closer so he can take one of the mugs. He lingers close to Neil, maybe closer than he needs to. He thinks of Jake's birthday party, and he thinks of everything Steve has tried to tell him. It makes his head spin and he doesn't know what to think anymore, or what to do or how to be. Darrow's more confusing than Ireland; at least he knew where he stood there.

"I've started a ridiculous collection of tea," he admits. "Just trying all of it."

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil smiles, grabbing honey to put into his tea. When Gabriel's close, Neil doesn't move. Their arms brush. The music plays on, a gentle warble of background noise as their tea steeps.

"I like it more than coffee," he admits, and laughs a little. "And since I get to buy all my beverages now, I'm going to drink what I like."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Enjoying that freedom, are we?" Gabriel smiles, because he knows that Neil had been cooped up something awful in the boarding school. At least Gabriel had been able to go home every day; he'd been able to go to parties ad talk to girls.

He sips his tea while Neil adds honey. "How are you getting on at cooking?"

[shadows_have_offended]

"I'm learning," Neil says with a laugh, shaking his head. "I think my neighbors probably hate me for all the times the smoke alarm has gone off. There's been a lot of Chinese food ordered in."

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel just grins and shrugs one shoulder. "Pizza is my go to," he admits. "Or curry." He holds his mug in both hands, because it's warm and it keeps him reaching toward Neil like he wants to.

He doesn't know how to do this. Doesn't know what is and isn't allowed. He doesn't know if Neil is like Connor, or if he's like Noel, or if he's like neither of them. He's afraid to find out.

[shadows_have_offended]

"I haven't tried curry yet," Neil says, smiling brightly. "We should try it sometime--or. You should let me try it, with you."

With the girls? Neil is seeing Patricia, he supposes, so maybe they could do another double date. Trying to figure that out makes Neil wish he was back in the dorms, for a moment. More than that, it makes him wish that he felt half as fluttered when he was alone with Patricia as he was just then, just watching Gabriel hold his mug.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Definitely. There's a place I always order from, and they do dine-in, too." He doesn't mention Sarah, or Patricia, and he doesn't seem keen to. Gabriel brushes his fingers over the handle of the mug, and he tries, desperately, to ignore how warm he feels.

[shadows_have_offended]

Something in Neil's chest thrills. They've hung out plenty since Neil's been here, but mostly it's been hanging out, privately. There have been a couple of over-nights, but Neil's been doing his best not to put any more stock into that than a glancing thought; Gabriel doesn't ever seem to want to talk about it, so Neil puts it aside.

But that--the offer to go out, to eat together, and just let it be. To not have the pretense of either girl. It thrills in Neil's chest and his cheeks go warm to think of it.