If you only knew the bad things I like

[asoncalledgabriel]

It was the strangest thing to arrange a double date, but it also felt... blessedly normal somehow. Or like a lie. Gabriel wasn't sure anymore, but he didn't know how to be any other way. So when Neil asked if he'd join him and a girl - Patricia - for a night he'd found someone. A nice enough girl, Sarah, pretty in the way Fiona had been pretty, and met Neil and his girl for a movie and then dinner.

It felt easy enough - the movie had been good and the four of them had plenty to discuss afterward over a meal at a diner. Gabe teased Neil, asking if the place seemed familiar. It looked like the sort of place out of Happy Days or some other American sitcom set in the 1950s.

Afterward, they made sure their girls got home alright, and it was just the two of them again.

Gabriel spun out of the doorway of Sarah's building and leaned his back into the brick wall, grinning over at Neil. "Are you gonna call it a night now?"

Comments

[asoncalledgabriel]

"I did, too," he manages. He blushes and looks down between them. "All of it," he adds, softer. Gabriel tries to relax and eases down onto the bed all the way; he nudges his shoes off, curls up close to Neil.

[shadows_have_offended]

They curl up, tangle, and Neil's glad he didn't turn on the lights in the first place. This close, with a light on, Neil is sure he'd be too easy to read. Instead, he just curls in as close as he can, presses his face gently into Gabriel's chest.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel tries to keep his mind and his heart quiet as Neil presses against him. He drapes an arm over him, holding him there against his chest. It feels good, even if part of him is still terrified.

He's quiet for a long moment, wondering if he should just try to sleep.

"You have any tea?" he asks softly, wondering if Neil's drifted off.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil was starting to drift, but the words draw him back. He hums vaguely, and then nods. "You want some? I can bring it in here." He's already slowly, reluctantly, pulling away so he can get up.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Do you have, like, chamomile or something?" Gabriel isn't often picky but he's longing to fall asleep, to just relax, and if tea will help then he'll take it. He's not sure it will, but he's willing to try.

[shadows_have_offended]

"I think so," Neil says. He lingers, still reluctant, but finally drags himself away from the warm comfort of Gabriel's body in his bed. Slowly, he shuffles out of the room and off into the kitchen. With electric kettles and everything, it's easy to make tea quick.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel sits up and he waits on the edge of the bed. HE's afraid that if he moves too far he'll bolt for the door and disappear into the night. Which sounds awful, when he thinks of it that way. He tries not to fidget too badly, staring at the floor until Neil comes back. He's grateful to have something to do with his hands, at least.

"Thank you," he murmurs. "Sorry to make you get up."

[shadows_have_offended]

"You're fine," Neil says, stifling a yawn as he sits down next to Gabriel. He's quiet for a moment, looking at him through the thin darkness, making out the lines and shapes of his face.

Gently, he brushes his fingers against the outside of Gabriel's thigh. There was something happening here, something that was different from any time they'd clumsily, sleepily necked.

"We can stay up a bit," he offers, quietly, "if you're not tired yet."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"You're yawning," he points out, a small smile on his face. He sipped his tea, hoping it would do something to calm him down again. He moved a little further on the bed, so it seemed less like he'd bolt up at any moment. He settled near Neil.

[shadows_have_offended]

"Sometimes I yawn in the middle of the day," Neil says gently, but it's not really an argument or excuse. He is tired. But he'd rather alleviate whatever it is that's making Gabriel antsy.

They scoot and settle on the bed, quiet and close. Neil watches him through the dark.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel rolls his eyes. "It's not the same," he insists softly. He sips his tea, and holds it close to him. "Sorry I'm--" But he isn't entirely sure what he means to apologize for. But he feels like he should.

[shadows_have_offended]

The reaction is so swift, a bit gruff, that Neil actually sits up a little bit. He fidgets a little bit, unsure how to take that. But he knows that Gabriel gets stressed about these things they do, even if he thinks Neil doesn't notice.

"You're fine," he says softly. "Nothing to apologize about."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"I feel like there is," he says quietly, but he doesn't elaborate. He feels bad now that Neil's sat up like that and he's equal parts shame and guilt. He feels like he should make his excuses and escape and he also thinks that would somehow make everything worse.

So he stays quiet, and still, hoping that will avoid upsetting Neil further.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil brings his hand up, slowly, worried that he'll upset Gabriel in kind. He combs his fingers through Gabriel's hair gently, heart all tender and swollen with wanting to smooth out whatever has ruffled in him.

He wants to know about Gabriel knowing what he was doing before, but maybe not right now.

"Let's lay down?" he asks softly.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel leans into Neil's touch for a moment. He sets his tea aside - he'd mostly finished it - and settles down in bed. He hopes he can sleep, but even if he can't, he doesn't want to keep Neil up any longer if he's tired.

"I'll be here," he murmurs, trying to reassure Neil as much as himself. He won't leave.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil nods a little bit, and pulls Gabriel down with him. He wraps his arms around him, trying to find the peace that effused him after his orgasm--or even just after the date. It seems fragile now. But he wants to hold onto it. He wants Gabriel to be there in the morning, for more than a moment as Neil rouses to him getting out of bed.

It scares him a little, to want Gabriel so much. He holds him around the middle and rests his head against Gabriel's shoulder.