Love is heavy and light, bright and dark [Dec 8th]

[asoncalledgabriel]

It's been weeks. Gabriel gave up trying to even text Anthony about a week ago and instead threw himself into final rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet. He's tried not to complain to Neil too much about the sudden absence, mostly because he feels stupid for being so worked up about it in the first place. Especially when Neil mentions that Guy's been in a rough patch.

Of course, Anthony must have been trying to take care of his friend. But-- couldn't he stand to answer a text or a call?

He tries to put it out of his mind come opening night. A few hours before the curtain went up, he'd sent Anthony an offhand text.

R&J tonight, curtain up at 7pm.

After that, he leaves his phone on silent and in his bag as they go through final rehearsals and costume adjustments.

For the most part, characters like Mercutio stay in the same costume with minor changes through the show so the audience doesn't lost track of who is who. Gabriel makes his entrance looking like a fashionable young noble of the period, a little more undone than Romeo's other compatriots - a little more fast and loose, as the character is meant to be. He delivers the Queen Mab speech with a dreamer's mania, and his death is impassioned and hopeless all at once.

After his last scene on stage, Gabriel hangs out of sight in the wings, sneaking looks at the audience when he can. The theater is dark, he can't see very far into it, and he doesn't know why he's bothering to look, anyway. Neil told him he wouldn't be able to make opening night and that he plans to come tomorrow or during the closing weekend. He disappears into the dressing room to take off the stage make up caked on his face. He'll still have to go out bow for the curtain call, but he doesn't need contouring or darkened eyebrows for that.

Gabriel reappears for the curtain call and the full cast bow on stage, all bright smiles and exaggerated gestures. He can hear the announcement inviting the audience to mingle with cast members out in the atrium, where light refreshments are being served by one of the student groups.

All he wants to do is change out of his costume and disappear, but Romeo hooks him around the shoulders and hauls him out to the atrium to socialize.

Comments

[asoncalledgabriel]

This is a script they've rehearsed before. A small smile ticks his mouth because it feels so easy to fall back into it. The tension isn't gone, maybe it will take more working out than simply acknowledging where they stand, but-- there is possibility, now, and familiarity. He knows what to do, he knows how this conversation goes.

"I've decent gin now," he says lightly, conversational save for the slightly breathless quality to his voice. He's still recovering from what just happened. "We could continue drinking at my place."

All he wants is to be away, with Anthony. Somewhere that both of them can let their walls down.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony smirks softly as he takes out his wallet to pay the bill. “Quite the compelling offer. But I don’t know if I require another drink.” This is what Anthony wants—the comforting playfulness of their script, the promise that words will soon be unnecessary.

If he were a better man, he might acknowledge that he is merely doing another sort of compartmentalizing. He is tucking away how Gabriel looked at him with eyes full of hope and hurt, and how his own heart twisted in response. He is walling off the realization that Gabriel had expected more of him, and that he likely would again, and that Anthony isn’t at ease with that. Confronting their emotions head-on—pesky, changeable, hopeless things that they are—will do more harm than good, he tells himself.

So Anthony tucks them all away, intending to enjoy just what is in front of him.

“Shall we be off, my good Mercutio?”

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel rolls his eyes but he smiles behind his glass as he finishes his drink.

For a moment the whole thing feels like a strategic retreat into something comfortable and familiar between them. He's seen flashes of unguarded sincerity and passion when they've been together before, and some part of him hopes that those weren't flukes. Still, he tries not to think too deeply about it as he pushes away from the bar. Unlike Anthony, his ability to compartmentalize is shaky at best and ephemeral.

It's cold enough that Gabriel gets them a ride rather than taking the walk. He's quiet for most of it but his fingers find Anthony's in the dark back seat, briefly lacing together. He pays when they arrive at the Bramford and he feels his heart starting to pick up again. Confessional things linger on the tip of his tongue, but he feels like he must protect himself somehow in keeping them to himself. If he's going to lay himself bare, it will have to wait.

Either way, it feels like an inevitability; a when rather than an if.

"Did you really like the play?" he asks as they get to his door, curious now that he's able to focus for even half a moment on the fact that Anthony came to watch it at all.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony remains quiet on the way home, and though tension still lingers between them in the silence, he is less concerned about it now. Yes, something between them had been knocked off-kilted and neither of them had been at their best, but Anthony had conceded that he had not acted as he should, and Gabriel had realized that he had misread Anthony’s absence. With their misunderstanding behind them, all could return to normal.

He lets Gabriel pay, only attempting to insist that he should be the one doing so, and follows him up to his apartment. “I did,” he says. “It is an easy play to tell by rote, and not one of my favorites for that very reason. But the production managed to put some life into it."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"It lost all it's charm for me when I realized it really does take place in just a few days," he says with a rueful little smile. "But I wanted something to keep me busy, and I like Mercutio."

He might have been happy with a bit part, too, but he's pleased with what he has.

Gabriel sheds his coat once they're in the apartment, and again he feels the anxiety welling up in his chest. Is all really mended, or is there another shoe just waiting to drop? And if there is, will it be him that makes it fall?

He turns toward Anthony and brushes his fingers along his jaw before he leans to kiss him.

"I did miss you," he confesses quietly in the space between them, less guarded than he'd been in the bar.

[flightfromennui]

“Well, Mercutio is the sanest of the lot.” Anthony hangs up his coat as well, and when Gabriel turns towards him, he lightly rests his hand on the boy’s hip. They kiss, and Anthony allows himself to appreciate that he has missed this, too. There have been nights in these past weeks when he had lain awake feeling sorry for himself and his own terrible failures and had been struck, suddenly, by a longing for Gabriel’s soothing presence. Come morning, though, he would set it aside and return to worrying about Guy. For all his charms, Gabriel could do nothing to stop Guy's self-destruction, and he certainly could not change the awful future.

Now, though, he indulgences himself in the comfort Gabriel offers. He offers a wry, soft smile at the boy’s confession and brushes his thumb against his lower lip. “Did you?” he says, sounding a little playful.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel resists the urge to roll his eyes as he meets Anthony's gaze. "I said I did," he answers, lifting a brow and doing his best to hide the smile tugging at his mouth. "Would you like me to detail it?"

He isn't sure that he could without sounding like Romeo lamenting, but it's easy enough to tease Anthony about a bit of vanity. He runs his fingers over the man's tie before he works it loose. This all feels gloriously familiar and he finds himself grateful for it.

[flightfromennui]

“Well, now you have me wondering what you missed so much,” Anthony murmurs, hooking his thumb on the hem of his trousers. Yes, he is trolling for compliments, allowing himself to be vain. But it feels so easy, this light playfulness, especially compared to the tension that surrounded them at the bar.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Don't be an ass," he breathes, a blush touching his cheeks. The tone is entirely different than the one he used in the bar. He tips his head for another kiss, fingers briefly tight on Anthony's tie.

"I don't have many people I can argue the finer points of socialism with," he murmurs, a little grin tugging his mouth. "Or the way Blake writes poetry like Biblical parables."

Gabriel isn't sure he can bring himself to go deeper than that, because if he does he really will sound foolish, and he isn't sure he can risk humiliating himself in front of Anthony with the tenderness hiding in his chest. Not yet.

[flightfromennui]

“Hmm.” Anthony smirks in a way that manages to indicate that he thinks Gabriel has missed something rather different, and he pulls Gabriel into a firmer kiss, his hand sliding under his shirt and onto the warm skin of his back.

“I don’t, either,” he says, something a little softer appearing in his eyes now. He has made dear friends here, yes, but there are many things that Gabriel seems to understand better than most of them—quite unexpectedly.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"You're a good kisser," he adds, his smile turning a bit more coy as Anthony's hand slides over his back. "That certainly doesn't hurt."

That look Anthony gives him makes his stomach flip and Gabriel leans into another kiss to try and quash the feeling. God, but kissing him doesn't make it better.

Gabriel pulls away and lightly catches Anthony's hand to pull him further into his apartment. Part of him is sorely tempted to just shove him onto the couch and continue there. He doesn't have roommates to worry about.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony lifts his brows, amused by this confession, and lets himself be pulled further into the apartment. They don’t make it much further, though, before he stops and tugs Gabriel close again, cupping his face as he kisses him this time.

The truth is, Anthony has missed Gabriel terribly, too, something he can almost admit to himself now that the boy is in his arms. He has missed his mouth, and the feel of his skin under his fingertips, and the way his eyes shine with desire. And he has missed the intimate quiet between, the inexplicably something that softens all of Anthony’s sharp edges and makes the world feel a little less complicated, at least for a while.

[asoncalledgabriel]

He hums softly against Anthony's mouth. Gabriel slides his hands down Anthony's sides, holding onto him as he deepens the kiss, teases with the slip of his tongue before he breaks away, just enough to breathe.

He misses the way the world feels like isn't all cruel and harsh when Anthony's in bed with him. The quiet fierceness of the man's assertions and the tenderness he lets show in little flashes.

There's too much between them. Gabriel's hands find their way beneath Anthony's layers until he can feel his skin, fingers skating across Anthony's hip and back.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony presses his forehead to Gabriel’s and briefly closes his eyes, surprised to find that he is already a little breathless. The feel of hands on his skin makes him sigh, and he surges into another kiss as his own hands find their way under Gabriel’s shirt again, half rucking it up in the process.

“Bed?” he murmurs when they again come up for air. He finds himself a little dizzy, a little surprised at his relief that he is here.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"What, no bending me over the kitchen table?" he teases. For a moment he just enjoys the way it feels to be close, but soon enough he's guiding Anthony back into the bedroom.

Gabriel lets go of him long enough to shuck his shirt off, giving Anthony a better view as they slip down the hall. His heart's already pounding and he's dizzy with wanting. Christ, is he really so easy?

He turns toward Anthony, walking backwards for the last handful of steps. Yes, apparently he is.

[flightfromennui]

“Another time,” says Anthony with a truly wicked smirk. Jacket discarded, tie loose, and shirt half untucked, Anthony looks positively rumpled as he follows Gabriel down the hall. The boy all but saunters, and when he turns round, the need in Gabriel’s eyes sends a shock through Anthony.

Mouth dry, Anthony advances on Gabriel until he has backed into the foot of the bed. He takes his chin and kisses him hard, then gives him a gentle nudge backward.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Christ, no one should be allowed to look that good, or to have such an effect when saying something so mild. Gabriel wets his lips when he runs into the bed and Anthony catches him by the chin for that kiss. He grips the man by the back of the neck until he gets a push back, onto the bed.

He can't help but grin as he lands, catching himself on his elbows. Gabriel relaxes back and his hands are slow as the trace down his stomach to flick open the button and fly of his jeans, keeping his eyes on Anthony's face as he does.

[flightfromennui]

For a moment Anthony can’t breathe. He swallows, and with a care that belies the fast beat of his heart, he undoes his tie and unbuttons his shirt. Only once he has discarded them does he join Gabriel on the bed, leaning over him to capture his mouth again.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel meets Anthony part way and pulls him down as they kiss. He's missed this, the delicious urgency of being half dressed and unable to get enough. He breathes Anthony's name like a prayer between fevered kisses and pushes his fingers into his hair. Some part of him loves taking apart all of Anthony's careful styling.

[flightfromennui]

Gabriel’s eagerness still manages to catch Anthony off-guard, as does the hunger it spurs in him. He makes an approving, wordless murmurs as Gabriel slides his fingers into his hair, and he ducks his head slightly to mouth Gabriel’s earlobe.

“Tell me what you want,” he murmurs, a breath against his ear.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Anthony's breath so near his neck makes him shiver and for a moment the words don't sink in.

"Just like this," he finally breathes. He wants a dozen things all at once and that's the first one he can articulate. He squeezes his thighs against Anthony's hips and kisses him again. He strokes his fingers down the back of Anthony's neck and rolls his hips up, pressing their bodies tight together.

"Missed watching you come apart," he quips, trying to sound coy but he's pretty sure he's just breathless.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony half-laughs, his nose lightly brushing up Gabriel’s neck. There’s something about the way Gabriel talks of taking him apart that always makes Anthony’s stomach do a flip. As a man dedicated to putting up walls, it should take more than a pretty, clever boy to tear them down. But Gabriel is so good at doing exactly that, and it’s a relief to fall to pieces in his arms.

He growls softly and lightly bites down on Gabriel’s shoulder as he arches his hips. Capturing his mouth again, Anthony rolls his hips in return. They should finish undressing in a moment, but for now he just enjoys how easily their bodies tangle together.

[asoncalledgabriel]

The bite makes him moan, makes his fingers tighten in Anthony's hair. He remembers the first little bruise Anthony left him, almost in that same spot: a sudden, urgent response to a delicious climax. The memory makes him blush but soon enough he's caught up in another kiss, dizzy for it.

He makes some overtures at undressing them further: his hands push between them, manage to at least work Anthony's trousers open and loose, even if he can't push them very far. Gabriel bites the man's lip with another sweet moan as their hips meet.

He tips his head back just to breathe, a giddy, delirious little smile on his face as his fingers drag up Anthony's sides.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony pulls back slightly—not away from the heady press of their bodies, but propped up on his hands so that he can take in the way that Gabriel is laid out. The boy’s neck is arched slightly, his skin flushed, trousers half down his his hips, and dear God, it is such a beautiful sight that Anthony forgets to breathe for a moment.

Belatedly, he manages a shaky exhale, and then he sets to finishing the work of undressing them. He stays close as he drags down Gabriel’s trousers and pants, but gets up again to discard his own. A moment later, their bodies are flush together again, and Anthony is kissing Gabriel with renewed hunger.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel tries to be somewhat helpful. He lifts his hips, laughing breathlessly as Anthony wrestles the last of his clothes off. But then Anthony's naked too, and he's leaning over him and all Gabriel can smell and see and feel is him. They kiss like they might devour each other and Gabriel grabs at Anthony's thigh as their bodies move together.

He tips his head back just to breathe, dizzy with wanting. "God, Anthony--"