Love is heavy and light, bright and dark [Dec 8th]

[asoncalledgabriel]

It's been weeks. Gabriel gave up trying to even text Anthony about a week ago and instead threw himself into final rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet. He's tried not to complain to Neil too much about the sudden absence, mostly because he feels stupid for being so worked up about it in the first place. Especially when Neil mentions that Guy's been in a rough patch.

Of course, Anthony must have been trying to take care of his friend. But-- couldn't he stand to answer a text or a call?

He tries to put it out of his mind come opening night. A few hours before the curtain went up, he'd sent Anthony an offhand text.

R&J tonight, curtain up at 7pm.

After that, he leaves his phone on silent and in his bag as they go through final rehearsals and costume adjustments.

For the most part, characters like Mercutio stay in the same costume with minor changes through the show so the audience doesn't lost track of who is who. Gabriel makes his entrance looking like a fashionable young noble of the period, a little more undone than Romeo's other compatriots - a little more fast and loose, as the character is meant to be. He delivers the Queen Mab speech with a dreamer's mania, and his death is impassioned and hopeless all at once.

After his last scene on stage, Gabriel hangs out of sight in the wings, sneaking looks at the audience when he can. The theater is dark, he can't see very far into it, and he doesn't know why he's bothering to look, anyway. Neil told him he wouldn't be able to make opening night and that he plans to come tomorrow or during the closing weekend. He disappears into the dressing room to take off the stage make up caked on his face. He'll still have to go out bow for the curtain call, but he doesn't need contouring or darkened eyebrows for that.

Gabriel reappears for the curtain call and the full cast bow on stage, all bright smiles and exaggerated gestures. He can hear the announcement inviting the audience to mingle with cast members out in the atrium, where light refreshments are being served by one of the student groups.

All he wants to do is change out of his costume and disappear, but Romeo hooks him around the shoulders and hauls him out to the atrium to socialize.

Comments

[asoncalledgabriel]

It's not enough and it's too much all at once. He can't last like this, not after Anthony's teasing - not after wanting so badly since the moment he set eyes on Anthony at the theater.

"Anthony--" He moans his name and lets go of Anthony's hair so he can curl his fingers around his cock. He barely has to move at all, just a few coaxing strokes before he feels like he's about to fly to pieces. Gabriel trembles as he hits his peak, voice sharp as he drops his head back. His body gets tight for a moment as he comes, looking utterly lost in bliss.

[flightfromennui]

"Oh, fuck--" It's too much. Anthony makes a strangled sound as he comes, stars exploding behind his tightly-closed eyes. "Gabriel." The name on his lips is a whispered plea and a grateful prayer. Anthony is still trembling as he presses a terribly unsteady kiss to Gabriel's mouth, and then collapses exactly where he is.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Anthony makes his name sound holy and the resonance sends a tremble straight through him. The kiss is brief and perfect, and so is the feeling of Anthony just collapsing on him. He's never quite done that before, and it feels perfect.

Still shaking, Gabriel wraps his arms around Anthony's shoulders; one hand strokes through his hair, tangling gently. For a moment all he can do is breathe and sink into that sweet, spent feeling.

He turns his head, lips against Anthony's hair. Still breathless, he murmurs, "Though she pricked thee out for women’s pleasure, mine be thy love, and thy love’s use my treasure."

[flightfromennui]

Anthony doesn’t have the strength to laugh, but he smirks, his face pressed to Gabriel’s shoulder. “Impressive recitation, Mr. Harkin,” he murmurs, and though he manages to get the words out, a small tremble remains in his voice.

Taking another breath, Anthony carefully pulls away from Gabriel and shifts beside him. He lies on his back, one hand pillowed under his head.

“Well,” he murmurs, still startled by just how overwhelmed he feels.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Not as impressive as it could've been," he says, still breathless and far-away. "Only started halfway through the bloody thing."

He grins as he strokes his fingers along the back of Anthony's neck. He doesn't want him to move, but eventually he does. For a moment he just lays there, exposed now that Anthony's not covering him, but he doesn't care. He just breathes until he can summon the strength to roll onto his side. He pulls a pillow down beneath his head and a small smile tugs the corner of his mouth. Anthony is beautifully undone.

"Well," he echoes quietly.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony grins crookedly, thinking he can catch something almost playful in Gabriel’s voice. He rolls onto his side towards Gabriel and brushes his fingers back through the young man’s hair.

“You are remarkable,” he says with a little smirk.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel feels like something in him melts when Anthony says that. He's almost grateful that he's too exhausted to muster a blush. He looks at Anthony, searching for-- he isn't sure what.

"Am I, now?" He gives Anthony a tired little smile as he asks. His fingers slide over the man's arm to catch his hand; he pulls it to his mouth so that he can kiss Anthony's palm, then his wrist. "Because I can recite Shakespeare while your cock-deep in me?"

[flightfromennui]

Anthony hums softly when Gabriel’s presses his lips to his skin; everything still tingles slightly, and his nerves feel sensitive. “Mm. That is quite the talent, I must say.”

There is something searching in Gabriel’s gaze, though Anthony can’t tell what it is that he’s looking for. He doesn’t ask, not wanting to risk getting a answer that will break the peacefulness they have settled into.

[asoncalledgabriel]

He lets Anthony's hand go and, for a moment, lowers his gaze.

"I missed this," he confesses quietly into the space between them. Somehow he can manage feeling vulnerable now - something he simply couldn't have done in the atrium, or even in the bar.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony’s chest tightens for a moment. It isn’t just what Gabriel says; there is weight in the way he says it that Anthony can’t just dismiss with a quip. He slides his hand to gently grip the back of Gabriel's neck and gives it a light, reassuring squeeze.

He could say he feels the same. He could admit that he is sorry. Both would be true. “I’m glad I came tonight,” he says instead.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel closes his eyes at the gentle, affirming sort of touch. He tries to take it for everything it is, nearly certain that Anthony isn't saying everything he means. Again. He reaches up and gently squeezes Anthony's wrist.

Still, he tries to smooth it over, tries to make him feel better for it. He flashes a little grin and opens his eyes to meet Anthony's gaze.

"Even if I nearly started a row with you?"

[flightfromennui]

This time, Anthony does allow himself to make a joke. “You made up for it quite admirably,” he shoots back. He doesn’t want to dwell on what their near-row had been about, what it could mean, all it revealed that remains unsettled.

He takes Gabriel’s chin and kisses him softly.

[asoncalledgabriel]

That gets a little laugh from him, soon quieted by a kiss. Gabriel moves closer, until their bodies are touching. Some part of him doesn't want to let it die - the words nearly spoken and then abandoned. But neither does he want to ruin this sweetness between them.

Both of them had stubborn pride. Gabriel brushes his fingers over Anthony's chest. The question he couldn't bring himself to ask earlier finds life now.

"Did you miss me, Anthony?"

He thinks he knows, but some part of him, some silly part, feels desperate to hear it given breath. It can't all be just in his head.

[flightfromennui]

He knows he should have expected it, but the question still catches Anthony off-guard. The fact of the matter is that he hasn’t very often been asked something like that; his usual liaisons hardly lead to such gentle intimacy as this. He has little practice with it, and even less talent.

Anthony lightly traces the edge of Gabriel’s jaw and smiles a little. “I rather think I did,” he says. making it sound a little like a quip. Who wouldn’t miss this, after all?

[asoncalledgabriel]

The smile that blossoms across his face is soft and sweet. Gabriel tells himself not to be silly, but it's more of a confession than he'd hoped for, really. He tips his head for another kiss, lingering across Anthony's lips for a moment.

"Stay the night?"

It's late enough. Even after the nightmares that plagued him through October stopped, he finds himself rather liking having someone next to him in bed. Especially Anthony.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony almost agrees in his usual, ‘it’s only convenient’ sort of way. But then he remembers Guy.

Guy is probably fine. Guy has been fine for days, or as fine as he could be under these circumstances. Guy would be furious if he knew that Anthony even considered leaving some pretty boy’s bed for his sake. But Anthony cannot quite let go of his worry that he might lose Guy, or his knowledge that he will, someday.

Decision made, he slowly pushes himself up to sit. “Not tonight, I’m afraid."

[asoncalledgabriel]

He hates the sudden hollowness in his chest when Anthony declines. Gabriel sits up, uncertain for a moment in the face of this break from their usual script. Maybe it's just luck that Anthony's stayed before.

He pushes his hair back and tries to summon his voice. "Call me? Or something," he requests, and it feels like the weakest thing he can say just then but he's still at a loss.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony nods in an absent sort of way at first, but he stops himself before he gets out of the bed. He has not entirely missed the lesson of the evening; he supposes he should do something to reassure Gabriel. More than that, he wants to.

He turns to Gabriel and gently takes his chin in his hand as he kisses him. “I will.” A beat. “I have some things to see to tonight." He is disinclined to say what, exactly, when that could lead to sharing more about Guy--and about himself--than he wishes to.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Just... don't disappear on me again. Or I'll probably do something stupid and regrettable to get your attention. Like talk to Guy."

A smile ticked his mouth but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Gabriel didn't think he'd go that far - more likely just the opposite. He'd get silent and spiteful.

"I like you, Anthony."

He's said it before, and he still means it. Gabriel gives the man another kiss before he pulls away to get out of bed. In an attempt to feel slightly less vulnerable, he put on a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.

[flightfromennui]

God, he is in so much deeper than he ever intended. How did this boy end up so attached to him? More importantly, how the hell did he find himself so attached in return? Gabriel looks at him with real worry that they will never see each other again, and Anthony wants nothing more than to soothe that worry.

It’s utterly ridiculous.

Anthony gathers up his clothes from the floor and puts on his shirt and trousers. Then he catches Gabriel’s hand and tugs him close. “I won’t give you a reason to do anything stupid,” he says wryly. It’s not quite I promise not to disappear, but it’s close.

[asoncalledgabriel]

It's close enough. Gabriel squeezes Anthony's hand. He's absolutely stupid for the man, and he shouldn't be. He should know better, he thinks, than to be so involved with anyone. He brushes his thumb along the back of Anthony's hand and tips his head to get a kiss.

"Come on," he murmurs. "Or I'll start undressing you again."

The least he can do is walk Anthony to the door.

[flightfromennui]

“Don’t tempt me,” Anthony says with a flicker of a smirk. He wonders if Gabriel knows just how easily he might succeed in doing so if he tried. It is probably for the best if he remains ignorant of just how much power he has to sway Anthony Blunt, particularly when he looks so soft and sex-tousled.

Anthony’s brushes his hands through Gabriel’s hair before stepping away to get his coat.

[asoncalledgabriel]

The way Anthony touches him makes Gabriel want to say ridiculous, foolish things. But his pride helps him to hold his tongue. He follows Anthony back through the apartment and kisses him at the door, lingering.

"I'll see you soon," he says like a promise. Somehow, they'll find a reason to spend time together.

[flightfromennui]

Anthony nods, brushing the backs of his fingers on Gabriel’s cheek. And they will see each other soon—Anthony hadn’t actually meant to create the distance between them in the first place, and he doesn’t have the strength to manufacture it now, even if some part of him still believes it would be better if he did.

“Good night,” he says softly, and then leaves.