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Gabriel is still surprised that Anthony is coming. He'd felt like an idiot for asking him, but he also has his reasons: he knows Anthony is drawn to the aesthetic of the Church, even if he's rejected it in its entirely. And the music was good last year, and he has no reason to imagine that it won't be this year.

The service is the closest thing to a Catholic midnight mass that he's found, and the year before it was surprisingly faithful to traditions that Gabriel is familiar with.

He stands outside the church, hands tucked into the pockets of his black pea coat. It's the nicer of the two winter coats he owns. He's cleaned up for this particular mass: a button down, a tie, his nicest sweater. He'd thought, briefly, of a suit, but it didn't feel right when he'd been getting ready.

He ignores the little flutter he feels at the thought of going into the church. His relationship with his religion remains complicated, but he is finding some relief in exploring the way others have approached spirituality.

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Gabriel Harkin

March 2020

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