asoncalledgabriel | I'll find out what I'm looking for

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neil,
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I'll find out what I'm looking for

Something snapped in him after Pride.

He wasn't an abomination, he was gay, and that-- that was allowed. It wasn't illegal and maybe it wasn't condoned by everyone here, but fuck them.

So that was how he found himself at Styx, several drinks in and dancing with whoever the fuck he wanted to. That was how he found himself out in the alley afterward, on his knees, practically crammed into a wall as some guy he met inside fucked his mouth and he held on for the ride.

And afterward, when he was't sure he could handle going home to fall in bed alone, he found himself at Neil's door. He couldn't exactly remember how he'd gotten there, but he knocked, hopeful Neil would wake up long enough to let him in.

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Neil almost immediately tangles up with him. He pushes his pants down, carefully kicks them away so they're both lying there naked and close. His hand goes back to Gabriel, stroking him. They've gotten familiar with this, with each other.

Slowly, cautiously, he starts to kiss his way down Gabriel's chest.

His face got hot as Neil's mouth trailed down his chest. His fingers stroke through Neil's hair, the back of his neck, and he bites his lip like he wants to try to keep quiet. He doesn't have to, though. He moans softly, shifting to be more on his back.

Neil can feel the vibration of Gabriel's moan while he's still holding it in, and it thrills in him a little bit. More than a little bit. By the time Gabriel lets that rumbling noise out, Neil is practically panting against his skin, settling comfortably on his side next to Gabriel so he can lazily kiss and stroke at his cock.

Gabriel let go of Neil's hair to hold the blanket beneath him instead, not wanting to pull or anything as Neil's lips teased over his cock. "Fuck," he gasps, hips moving towards Neil's mouth, his hand.

Neil doesn't quite stop, but he glances up at Gabriel. Slowly, he takes one of his hands, slides it away from the blankets and back up, into his hair.

"I like it," he whispers. Heat floods his face, but it's the truth, unvarnished and unaccompanied.

"Yeah?" he murmurs, breathless as Neil coaxes his hand back into his hair. His fingers curl loosely, holding on. Not too tight, yet. He strokes Neil's scalp, lets his blunt nails scrape gently. He can feel his breath on his cock and it takes everything he has not to squirm.

Neil nods a little. It's as much to signal ascent as it is to smear his mouth lewdly against Gabriel's cock. He moves up to the head, stroking the shaft as he licks and kisses and sucks obscenely at him. If this is all he gets, he wants to savor it this time.

"Jesus, Neil," he whimpers, fingers getting tight in Neil's hair as his mouth teases relentlessly. Gabriel rocks his hips up, trying to meet the pace of Neil's hand, trying desperately to get more of the slick, perfect heat of his mouth, the sweep of his tongue. His head falls back, eyebrows drawn together like he's distressed when he feels anything but. He struggles, always struggles, to think of this as anything but a delicious sin, something he shouldn't have, shouldn't enjoy.

God help him, it's all he ever wants.

Neil hums gently in agreement. Gabriel arches his hips, and Neil opens his mouth a little, taking more. It feels good to make Gabriel gasp and squirm like that. Feels good to make Gabriel feel good. And there's something about this--specifically this, this time, that they're doing this in the morning and Gabriel didn't jog out the door--that feels vital.

Gabriel is so used to fumbling in the dark that it feels almost surreal to be sprawled back on the bed with morning light coming through the window. He doesn't get to think about it for long because Neil's mouth makes him want to climb the bed and he gasps sharply, eyebrows drawn together as his hips jump up.

"Sorry," he moaned, fingers tight in Neil's hair.

Neil sputters for a second. He pulls back, gasping for breath, but his face is serene, tender and content. He strokes Gabriel, a languid motion, and licks at the head.

Even with Gabriel's fingers tight in his hair, he didn't feel restrained. He watched his face for a moment, sliding his mouth down the shaft, until looking at Gabriel was hard because he was working his mouth against his balls.

"Oh God," he moans, arching his back. "Oh God, Neil--" His voice catches and he can't say anything more helpful. He's going to come, and he should tell Neil that, should warm him, but it dies in his throat, swallowed by a desperate sound.

It his him suddenly and he holds tightly to Neil's hair, his neck, and he struggles not to hold him down because he doesn't want to choke him.

Neil moans a little bit, and even though Gabriel's not holding him down, he's certainly not going anywhere. He swallows around him, breathes through his nose, relishes the feeling of that twitch against his tongue.

When Gabriel's finished, Neil starts to pull back. He smiles a little bit as he licks his lips clean, resting his cheek against Gabriel's hip.

Gabriel lays there for a moment, catching his breath. Then he props himself up on his elbow so he can see Neil's face and he rubs his fingers along his scalp, stroking tenderly.

Neil looks really good in the soft morning light.

"Hey," he murmurs.

"Hey," Neil whispers back. He aches, hips pressed against the mattress, and he wants so much that it's almost an ache all its own. But he just smiles a little and tilts his head into Gabriel's touch, relishing it.

"C'mere?" he tugs on Neil's hair, then slides his hand to the back of his neck instead. As soon as Neil is close enough, Gabriel leans up to kiss him.

The tug makes his cock throb, but Neil does his best to ignore it right now. He slides up, curls into a curious knot with his hip touching Gabriel's, sitting next to him with their legs headed opposite directions.

He sighs against the kiss. It feels like ages since he's been self conscious about the taste of come on his lips, and he doesn't feel it now either.

Gabriel nudges them over until h e's draped over Neil, gently pressing him against the bed. He feels good enough that his nerves are quieter.

"Do you want--" He hesitates a little, wets his lips. "We could-- do you want to try...?" He bites his lip, unable to quite get the words out.

That doesn't stop him from pushing his hand beneath Neil's pajamas to stroke his cock.

Neil's ready to blow it off, to smile and laugh and redirect. Then, Gabriel's touching him and all he can think of is the other boy's hand. He sighs, shivering and arching up a little bit.

His cheeks flame with heat. He pulls Gabriel down for a kiss, trying to find his voice. When he does, he sounds wrecked. "I want you inside me."

Gabriel tries to push down the rush of anxiety he feels at that request. He looks down; he can't help but remember the disaster of trying that with Connor. "A-alright. I've never-- I've never done that," he admits. Not really, not successfully with a boy. Barely with a girl.

Neil sees the anxious look in Gabriel's eyes and he wishes he could take it back. He bites his lip a little bit and tries to figure out how to laugh it off. How to not want it so badly.

In the end, he smiles. "We don't have to. This is good. We can just do this, if you want. Or just kiss. Or just have breakfast."

"I can't forget the disaster it was," he admits; his hand doesn't stop moving. "We hurt each other and I don't want that to happen again, but I've no clue what I'm doing with-- with another boy."

"We don't have to," Neil assures again, his breath starting to shiver and ache. He's not going to last long if Gabriel keeps touching him like that. As much as he wants it, he doesn't want Gabriel to feel like he has to ever do something just because Neil wants it.

He touches the back of his neck, panting softly. "Won't last. Gabe..."

"I want to," he insists. "Just don't want to go in blind again. I'm not gonna hurt you." He nuzzles close and he kisses Neil again. Gabriel keeps stroking him, doing the little things he's learned that Neil likes; the little sounds he makes are perfect. He wants to feel him come.

"Just need to figure out how to do it, right?"

Neil lets himself relax to it. He nods a little. They don't have to rush into it--he never meant to imply that they did. They can figure things out.

For now, he focuses on this. The certainty of Gabriel's touch, the soft roll of his voice. Neil squirms a little bit, pushing his pants down so it's easier for Gabriel to move.

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