I'll find out what I'm looking for

[asoncalledgabriel]

Something snapped in him after Pride.

He wasn't an abomination, he was gay, and that-- that was allowed. It wasn't illegal and maybe it wasn't condoned by everyone here, but fuck them.

So that was how he found himself at Styx, several drinks in and dancing with whoever the fuck he wanted to. That was how he found himself out in the alley afterward, on his knees, practically crammed into a wall as some guy he met inside fucked his mouth and he held on for the ride.

And afterward, when he was't sure he could handle going home to fall in bed alone, he found himself at Neil's door. He couldn't exactly remember how he'd gotten there, but he knocked, hopeful Neil would wake up long enough to let him in.

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[shadows_have_offended]

Neil is awake. He's been studying things for getting back to school in the fall, making sure he has the same basic knowledge as everyone else now that he'll be in public school. Plus, there's been the business of trying to find a job. He's more settled now, but he'd like to be comfortable about it.

So he hears the knock and gets up. It's late. When he opens the door, he blinks.

"Gabe? Hi, is everything okay?"

[asoncalledgabriel]

He leans close, smears a kiss to Neil's mouth and manages to not fall into him entirely. "Hey," he murmurs. "Sorry, I uhm-- I didn't want to go home?" He's not sure that it's the best excuse, or any excuse, but here he is. He tries not to think about the fact that just twenty minutes ago he had a cock on his face and he hasn't washed his face or his mouth since then.

[shadows_have_offended]

The kiss draws a gasp out of him, the same way that the kiss at prom had. Neil stumbles back into the apartment, hands catching Gabriel's elbows so they both stay on their feet.

He notices the spit on Gabriel's chin just before he notices the taste of alcohol.

"Gabe, what...?" He squeezes, pulling back a little and looking at Gabriel concernedly.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Sorry," he laughs weakly. "I've had a lot to drink." He throws his arm out a bit blindly to make sure the door closes behind them, and he ends up leaning into it. "I'm alright, I'm alright," he insists. "Just-- just drunk, I think."

[shadows_have_offended]

A lot to drink seemed like a bit of an understatement, but Gabriel isn't acting like his father, drunk on scoth, so Neil tries not to worry about that.

He looks at him, the kiss-swollen lips, spit on his chin and the flaky, half-dried smears on his mouth and cheeks. Jealousy burns tightly in Neil's chest.

"Just drunk?" He steps toward the kitchen. "I'll get you some water."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"I'm alright," he assures again, fingers grasping at Neil's shirt to keep him close. Gabriel sways into him, leans against him. "Sorry," he laughs. "I'll uhm. Couch." He'll let Neil do whatever he needs or wants. He smudges a kiss to Neil's neck before he pulls away and drops himself onto the couch.

[shadows_have_offended]

The kiss sends a thrill through him, settling a now familiar heat in his lower belly, and Neil finds himself leaning toward the touch, even as Gabriel moves away from him.

"I'm getting you a water," he says firmly. His legs ache to go over to Gabriel, to carry him close. He steps toward the kitchen again instead. "And you're sleeping in the bed, slick."

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel just grins, lolling his head to watch Neil as he goes into the kitchen. "Might need help getting there," he says lazily. He pushes his hair back and he's almost positive some glitter falls out.

"Are you sure, mate?"

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil says nothing, trying to compose himself in the kitchen. It doesn't happen, not really. He's keyed up now, gently burning from the inside out.

He finally comes out of the kitchen and sees Gabriel sprawled, languid and easy and more at ease than Neil is fairly sure he's ever seen him. It makes Neil feel strangely frumpy, and only intensifies the jealousy in his chest.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He puts the water down next to Gabriel and just stands there, dumb for a second. "You have a good night?"

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Yeah, I did." Gabriel reaches for him, manages to catch the fabric of Neil's pants. "C'mon, mate, c'mere."

He doesn't want to pull too hard - he doesn't want Neil to fall over or hurt himself or anything. He just wants to feel him close.

[shadows_have_offended]

There were no protests. Neil shuffles closer, and the way Gabriel's tugging, he ends up straddling his lap. It makes him flush, quick and insistent. It makes him nervous.

He wipes at the spit on Gabriel's chin with his thumb, and blushes more.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"Sorry," he mumbles. "Kind of a mess... sorry." He tips his head towards Neil's touch, too drunk still to be embarrassed yet but he's-- he's aware. He lifts his head, brushing a kiss to Neil's lips.

[shadows_have_offended]

"You didn't want to go home with him?" Neil doesn't know why he asks. It's none of his business. Gabriel's his friend and, sure, they've fooled around a bit. They've been necking for months now. They've been seen out together. But it's not his business if he wants to--

Neil sighs a little bit, against Gabriel's mouth.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel shakes his head. "No," he mumbles. He doesn't say, I didn't need to because that's not what Neil asked. And it's the truth - he hadn't particularly wanted to go with the guy anywhere but the alley.

He'd wanted to come here. His hands slid over Neil's sides, down his thighs.

[shadows_have_offended]

Jealous kept curled in his chest, but it's a little bit easier, listening to this boy say he didn't want to go home with whoever he was with. Still, it lives there. Neil rests his forehead against Gabriel's. He won't ask.

"Should put you to bed," he says, words becoming a gasp as Gabriel touches him like that.

[asoncalledgabriel]

"We can go to bed," he murmurs, lips brushing over Neil's. His hands move all over, sliding beneath Neil's t-shirt just to feel his skin. He kisses him again, slow and lazy and lingering.

[shadows_have_offended]

This time, Neil really does sigh against the kiss. He can taste it, the rest of the evening, on Gabriel's mouth, but it's becoming more and more just the taste of them kissing. His hips move without him wanting them to.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel moves kind of fluidly, sort of rolling and falling at the same time until Neil's back is on the couch and he's leaning over him, mouth sliding down his neck. Neil smells good, he tastes good. He pushes Neil's shirt up so he can kiss down his chest, his stomach, tongue teasing over his warm skin.

[shadows_have_offended]

The shift startles a noise out of Neil. He almost falls off the couch. And if he weren't so busy feeling jealous and a little strangely used, he might laugh.

Something ferocious about the jealousy presses at his lungs. He puts his hands on Gabriel's shoulders and gently presses back.

"Whoa there, tiger." His voice barely sounds his own.

[asoncalledgabriel]

Gabriel lifts his head when Neil pushes him back. "Okay," he murmurs, easing back under the pressure of Neil's hands. He sits up, not entirely sure what to do. He pushes his hair back, looks at Neil's face, suddenly uncertain.

[shadows_have_offended]

The retreat at once relaxes and terrifies him. This feels like a sensitive place. He doesn't want Gabriel to think he's mad, he just--that jealousy won't sooth in his chest.

"You should sober up a little bit before you come to bed," he finally mumbles. "I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready for bed."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"I can sleep on the couch," he offers quietly, already feeling more sober when Neil says that. He sits back a little more and picks up the water. He's done something wrong, he's certain, but he still feels fuzzy.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil lingers a moment, guilt working in now. He drags himself to his feet, and he touches Gabriel's cheek as he passes. His thumb brushes off a bit of the come on Gabriel's lip, and then he pulls his hand back slowly.

"I told you," he says, voice soft and a little more hurt than he intends for it. "You can sleep in the bed. I...I want you to sleep in the bed."

[asoncalledgabriel]

"I'll be in after a bit," he says, promising. He waits until Neil goes, staying on the couch for a moment. He finishes his water, then he goes into the kitchen to try to clean his face off. He scrubs maybe a little harder than he has to, struggling with shame.

He shuffles into Neil's room and manages to get his shoes and his jeans off without falling over - he has to lean on the bed to do it.

[shadows_have_offended]

Neil's just left the shower when Gabriel comes in, and he watches him as he puts on his pajamas. He brings over a pair for Gabriel too, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"You--" He can't start for a second, but he finally mumbles, "You could have asked me to come out wherever you were going. Not just come back here after you were...done. I mean, we're...we're friends, right?"